I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
