I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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