by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize