from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
