i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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