I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
