my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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