I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
