is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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