Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
