I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
