Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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