You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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