If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize