dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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