people are starting to question the shark bite story
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize