So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize