I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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