So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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