You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
