just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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