If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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