I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
