i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
