My sheets look like a crime scene.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
