"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
