I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize