just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
