Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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