Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
