It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
