Someone shit on the floor
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
