About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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