We got so high we made milksteak
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
