it hurts more in the daytime
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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