im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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