Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
