you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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