I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
