see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
