If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
