The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
