I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
