Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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