I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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