I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Couch. On fire.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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