Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
