Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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