RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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