I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
