Hey man sorry I got all grabby
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
