He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Alive.
So much puke
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I can't put those talents on a resume
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
