So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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