that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize