she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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