Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
