No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
