I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
