I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
