When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
