whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
