dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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