He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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