i think my mom watched the whole time
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
