Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
