I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
