glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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