Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
