Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
