After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
