I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize