Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
