we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
